Have you ever followed God down a path you were certain He called you to—only to watch the whole thing blow up?
In my early 20s, I was sure I had a “big call” on my life. Maybe I’d become a missionary. I even toyed with being a pastor, but that never seemed to fit.
After a long season of prayer and seeking, my wife and I landed on a bold course of action. It would mean moving several states away and changing jobs. During one Sunday service, I was convinced God spoke directly to me from the pulpit. It was the confirmation I was waiting for.
So we leapt. We sold our house, packed everything we owned, and started a brand-new life.
The next three years? Let’s just say things didn’t go according to plan.
The dream unraveled. The whole thing fell apart.
And I was left asking:
What do you do when the thing God called you to... dies?
The Spiral
The self-doubt came fast:
Did I not hear God correctly?
Was I just making this up?
Is God even real?
Losing a dream hurts. But losing a God-given purpose? That’s a special kind of pain.
And this wasn’t a one-time heartbreak. It happened again. And again.
I’d hear what I believed was God’s voice, step out in faith—and crash. Every time.
I thought it would work like the movies.
Like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where Indy takes a blind step across a massive drop… and finds solid ground under his feet.
That was the story I told myself: Take the leap, and God will catch me.
Only... He didn’t.
And when your family finances are tied to that leap? The fallout isn’t just emotional—it’s real, practical, and painful.
No Category
Over time, I realized something that wrecked me:
God calls me—but not always to success.
That sentence alone sent me into years of wrestling. I had no category for a calling that ended in collapse.
And the longer the pattern repeated, the more demoralized I became.
The Question Behind the Questions
One day, I was venting all this to a close friend from high school. We’d been through a lot together.
He listened quietly and then said, “Honestly, it sounds like religion really screwed you up.”
I’ve considered that too. Maybe I was just chasing dopamine. Maybe I was hearing only what I wanted to hear. Maybe I was wrong about everything.
I’ve gone around this mountain a thousand times—through self-doubt, anger, and near despair.
But that’s not where the story ends.
The Turn
In recent years, I’ve made peace with some of my limits. I’ve discovered a deeper kind of prayer. A more honest form of communion with God. And—I’ve learned to fight.
Not to force outcomes.
But to not give up.
That clarity has started to help me make sense of the wreckage.
There’s good coming out of those losses.
Why I’m Writing
All of this is way too much to unpack in one post. But through this Substack, I’ll share the stories—honest, unfiltered, faith-anchored.
If you’ve ever felt blindsided by God...
If you’ve ever followed a calling and ended up crushed...
If you’re trying to believe again—despite it all...
Then this space is for you.
I’d love for you to subscribe and walk this road with me.